9. Techno-babble & Robo-speak.      

How often do you complain that a document is too clearly written?  So why, in spite of the advice (and bad grades) given in thousands of composition and technical writing classes, do you persist in writing in passive voice with long noun strings?

Fuzzy:  a preregistration procedures instruction sheet update is available at . . . .
Clear:  an update of the instruction sheet informing you about preregistration 
             procedures is available at . . .

Fuzzy:  an operator-initiated default-prevention technique will be taught at . . . .
Clear:  a technique for preventing defaults, created by the operator, will be 
            taught at . . .

Fuzzy:  Java is a simple, robust, object-oriented, platform-independent, 
             multi-threaded, dynamic, general-purpose programming environment.  
             It is often used to create applets and applications for the Internet, 
             intranets, and any other complex, distributed network.

Remember the legalese description of procedures to cancel your insurance?  Here is an "explanation" by an ISP (Internet service provider) of the equipment it uses to host client Websites:

The host system facility comprises a Primary DS3 via Lucent Technology, 
utilizing a Bay Networks BLN2 Router, and a Secondary T1 backup via 
UUNET NAP, utilizing a Cisco 2501 Router; redundant telecommunications 
rely on a primary DS3 and secondary T1 backup.

I am sure Ron knows what this means and many of you may know what it means.  But this is a company that hopes to have a small piece of the business done by AOL, Earthlink, QWest, and other ISPs.  So who is this description directed to?  Perhaps to someone with an M.S. in computer science or at least someone trained in networking.  Clearly the potential customers it hopes to attract cannot understand this stuff.  So why do we write this way?

My textbooks say that the primary reason is peer pressure.  We want to impress our peers.  How many times do you remain silent or nod when some colleague is talking about a new gizmo or technique that you don't have a clue about? We do not want to appear to be technically inferior or deficient.  In conversation, we nod and hope that we are not challenged.  When we write, we often repeat technical terms and phrases we do not understand.  Or we write stuff that sounds properly technical, like:

Cookies are a general mechanism which server side connections (such as 
CGI scripts) can use to both store and retrieve information on the client side 
of the connection.  The addition of a simple, persistent, client-side state 
significantly extends the capabilities of Web-based client/server applications.

What does this mean?  It means that Web servers use "cookies" to customize the appearance and navigation of a Website  on a person-by-person basis.  Many Websites send cookies to your machine.  These cookies store browser  preferences and are activated when you access the Website that sent the cookie.

The problem is that you infrequently write for your peers.  Writing for academic research journals addresses a peer audience.  The more usual professional writing situation assumes that you are the expert who is explaining something to readers who do not understand it as completely or in as much detail as you do.  Technical terminology, learned like a foreign language through years of study, separates insiders from outsiders in multiple discourse communities or professions.  Auto mechanics tell you about ignition modules, brake drums, fuel injectors, and firing order.  Your physician mentions lymphomas and metastatic cancers.  Motorcyclists discuss clutch alignment, fork springs, and dual brake conversion.  Immunologists discuss genomes and peptide hormones.  Physical anthropologists refer to substrate, cytoarchitectonic, and hippocampal formation.  These terms have precise and useful meanings to those inside the relevant discourse community: to mechanics, physicians, motorcyclists, immunologists, and physical anthropologists.  Insiders are not only familiar with the meaning of jargon terms, they are familiar with the professional methods implied by such terms.  Professional competence is hard won and some experts are offended by the suggestion that they need to simplify their language in order to communicate with their clients, patients, or other people who directly or indirectly pay their salaries.  If you have a Ph.D., J.D., M.D. or similar letters that you can append to your name, or possess state licenses, you can relax about proving your expertise.  You already proved it to a licensing board or your dissertation committee.

Puzzles for Ph.D.s: 

I taught philosophy courses for many years.  Believe me, philosophers can compete with scientists and engineers in writing dense, jargon laden documents.  There is a whole industry devoted to simply trying to comprehend some of the works of great philosophers.  Almost anyone can browse through the fiction isles of Barnes and Noble and feel somewhat competent to separate academic literature from popular fiction.  The section on philosophy has few of the "real" works that you would study, if you took a graduate degree in philosophy.  One of the most famous 20th c. works is Martin Heidegger's Being and Time.  It is not addressed to a general academic readership.  It is not even addressed to an audience of philosophy professors with Ph.D.s in the discipline, but only to a few of those professors.  The first division of Heidegger's book is 273 pages long.  The book you need in order to begin to understand that section is Hubert Dreyfus' book, Being-in-the-World: A Commentary on Heidegger's Being and Time, Divison I.  It is 370 pages long.  Some students ask, "if Heidegger was so smart, why didn't he just say what he meant?  Why do we have to read Dreyfus to interpret him?"  I did not tell them, "because you and I are not smart enough to read Heidegger with the kind of insight Dreyfus illustrates."  James Joyce boasted that his novel Ulysses was so complex that readers would never entirely understand it, even after a life-time of study.  Authors like these set the standard for complicated technical games played in specialized discourse communities.  Most of my students simply resent Heidegger and Joyce for, in effect, sneering at them.  If they become professors of philosophy or literature, they may come to appreciate the difficult but elegant puzzles elaborated by such authors as Heidegger and Joyce.  Texts are always about audience.

Heidegger and Derrida (both famous or infamous for the difficulty of their prose) are not the only smart guys in the philosophy club.  Bertrand Russell was not only one of the most brilliant philosophers of the century, he was also awarded a Nobel prize in literature for the clarity of his many popular philosophy books addressed to a general readership and for his autobiography.  Richard Rorty and Charles Taylor are two living philosophers who are masters of prose.  They are as brilliant as it gets; and their works are intelligible to both expert and novice readers.  They do not write dumbed-down works.  If the most brilliant philosophers can write so the rest of us can understand their ideas, you probably should not feel that you are so smart that you can hardly talk to anyone.  The articles in Scientific American set something of a standard for sophisticated content that is rendered intelligible to general academic readers.  Okay, if attitude is not the problem, how do you do it?

Jargon:
Technical writing instructors often use the term Jargon to indicate technical terminology inappropriate for a target audience.  Jargon may also include pretentious or unnecessarily complex words intended (usually unconsciously) to impress someone rather than to clarify ideas.  We wish to impress people with our knowledge or intelligence or the fact that we belong to an elite club or discourse community that the reader does not belong to.  Notice how the writer of the following piece begins with a rhetorical question that implies an audience who has questions about whether programs that run in the Windows 95 operating environment will also run in  Microsoft's Windows NT operating environment.  In the realms of computers, this is a pretty low level question, which suggests that the audience is likely to be millions of people who use one of the Windows operating environments, but who have little understanding of how computers work.

Part of the logo requirements [logo requirements?] are that a product be tested 
on Windows NT.  However, a handful of APIs [Application Programming 
Interface] are supported ["supported" has a stipulative definition or jargon 
meaning for the CS community] on one platform [ditto] that are not available 
in the other [nonparallel and incomplete].  An example of products and APIS
[sic; should read APIs] are: games using Direct X [jargon] and utilities [stipulative 
definition for CS] using TAPI [Telephony Application Programming Interface].  
At this time, these two APIs are not supported in Windows NT.  The idea is that 
if an application uses Windows 95-specific application programming interfaces 
(APIs) [ah, now he parenthetically defines it on the 3rd use!], then the Windows 
95-only functionality must degrade gracefully (meaning, just "stub" [?] that 
functionality [means that it won't run], as opposed to allowing the system to crash)
[doesn't that clarify things!] on Windows NT 3.5 or later.  Conversely, if it
[antecedent?] uses Windows NT-specific APIs, then the Windows NT-only 
functionality must degrade gracefully on Windows 95.  The bottom line is that the 
product must run successfully on both Windows 95 and Windows NT, unless 
architectural differences between the 2 OS's [operating systems] prevents 
[agreement error] it [apparently that means that the Win-95 program may or may 
not run in the NT environment!].  Additionally, while products may pass testing on 
Windows NT, it is up to the ISV [Independent Software Vendor] to determine 
whether they [agreement] want to support their product(s) on Windows NT.

You can guess that the writer of the above piece goes on "auto-pilot" about half the time.  By that I mean that he repeats technically flashy terms without much thinking about precisely what they mean or how to explain them to his neophyte audience.
Here is a worse piece.  Who is the audience for this?

XERCOM today announces a state-of-the-art CMOS-based EPROM module 
conforming to all MIL-SPEC parameters and interfacing to ROMable/RAMable 
ASCII/ANSI devices.
The ABC-PDQ381 EPROM environments into hex and alphageomosaic 
applications virtualized to PIA DIP switch funtionality at 1200 (10) baud.  A 
downloading EBCDIC-oriented uploader enhances the enhancements of the 
enhanced IDRIS protocols that talk to the PABX store-and-forward interface 
bread-boarded into the unit.

Ron told me that he understood this.  I am not sure I believe him.  The author is so "smart" that I doubt if he understands his own writing!  Some kind of downloading "uploader enhances the enhancements of the enhanced IDRIS"!  Wow, triple enhancement!  The release goes on like this for another paragraph before ending with a kind of recommendation: "For knowledge workers everywhere."  This "knowledge worker" isn't likely to go shopping for anything at XERCOM's. 

English as a second language:

English is the language of more than half of the world's scientific and technical communication.  There are millions of non-native speakers of English who must read technical writing like the above.  Some companies and professional associations are creating simplified English versions of manuals, instructions, and other technical documents.  The simplified version obeys a basic number of grammar rules using a vocabulary of about 1,000 words.  Each word has only a single meaning.  "Right" is the opposite of "left"; it never means "correct."  Simplified English documents are also discourse community specific, meaning that a version is oriented to a specific profession.  AECMA (European Association of Aerospace Industries) simplified English, for example, is intended for aerospace workers.  Here is a sample of this audience sensitive writing:

Original:     Before filling the gas tank, it is necessary to turn off the propane 
                 line to the refrigerator.  
                 Failure to do so significantly increases the risk of explosion.
Simplified: Before you pump gasoline into the gas tank, turn off the propane 
                 line to the refrigerator.  
                 If you do not turn off the propane tank, it could explode.

Causes of Techno-babble:

Objectivity: 
Scientific and technical communities are still determined to appear to be objective.  Professionalism is often thought to be measured by an objective, impartial, unbiased, and neutral attitude.  Scientists and engineers are often encouraged to write as though they had no personal involvement with what was done or what is being reported, even though their judgments and recommendations are often the most crucial parts of the document!  Perhaps you have been told to use such terms as these:

Verbs of exposition: ascertain, assume, compare, construct, describe, determine, 
estimate, examine, explain, label, plot, record, test, verify.

Verbs of warning and advising: avoid, check, ensure, notice, prevent, remember, 
take care, do not spill.

Verbs of manipulation: adjust, align, assemble, begin, boil, clamp, connect, cover, 
decrease, dilute, extract, fill, immerse, mix, prepare, release, rotate, switch on, weigh.

Adjectival modifiers (and adverb forms): careful(ly), clockwise, continuous(ly), 
final(ly), gradual(ly), moderately), periodic(ally), secure(ly), subsequent(ly), 
vertical(ly).

 Such words help create an objective tone.  

Long Sentences: 
How long is too long?  Ask test readers.  Or watch them.  If they have to reread sentences, because they get lost, the sentence is too long.  Three clauses are probably too many.  

Too long:  To connect the DVD player to the amplifier, first be sure that 
                 the power is off on both units, then insert the plugs firmly into 
                 the jack (the red plug into the right-channel jack and the 
                 black plug into the left-channel jack), making sure that you 
                 leave a little slack in the connect cord to prevent shock or 
                 vibration.
Better:       To connect the DVD player to the amplifier, follow these steps:
                    1.  Be sure that power is off on both units.
                    2.  Insert the red plug into the right-channel jack.
                    3.  Insert the black plug into the left-channel jack.
                 Be sure to leave a little slack in the connecting cords before
                  turning on the power to prevent shock or vibration.

Too long:   The construction of the new facility is scheduled to being in 
                 March, but it might be delayed by one or even two months 
                 by winter weather conditions, which can make it impossible 
                 or nearly impossible to begin excavating the foundation.
Better:       The construction of the new facility is scheduled to begin in 
                 March.  However, construction might be delayed until April 
                 or even May by winter weather, which can cause temperatures 
                  to be too low to begin excavating the foundation.

Focus on the "Real" Subject: 
Try not to bury the real subject in a string of prepositional phrases or qualifications.

Weak: The use of this method would eliminate the problem of motor damage.
Better: This method would eliminate motor damage.

Weak: The presence of a six-membered lactone ring was detected.
Better: We detected a six-membered lactone ring.

Reduce the number of grammatical expletives: it is, there is, there are.

Weak: There is no alternative for us except to withdraw the product..
Better: We have no alternative except to withdraw the product.

Weak: It is hoped that testing the evaluation copies of the software will 
           help us to make this decision..
Better: We hope that testing the evaluation copies of the software will 
           help us make this decision.

Focus on the "Real" Verb:
Do not make verbs into nouns (nominalization).  To install becomes to effect an installation.  To analyze becomes to conduct an analysis. 

Weak: Each preparation of the solution is done twice.
Better: Each solution is prepared twice.

Weak: An investigation of all possible alternatives was undertaken.
Better: We investigated all possible alternatives.

Weak: Consideration should be given to an acquisition of the properties.
Better: We should consider acquiring the properties.

In MS Word, under Edit, choose Find.  Fill in such word endings as: tion, ment, sis, ence, ing, ance.  Search for of. 

Parallelism: 
The elements in both clauses or the members of a series must be logically and grammatically similar.  

Nonparallel: The present system is costing us profits and reduces  
                   our productivity..
Parallel:       The present system costs us profits and reduces our 
                   productivity.

Nonparallel: The dignitaries watched the launch, and the crew was
                   applauded.
Parallel:       The dignitaries watched the launch and applauded the 
                   crew.

Nonparallel: The typist should follow the printed directions; do not
                   change the author's work.
Parallel:       The typist should follow the printed directions and not 
                   change the author's work.
                    (subjunctive and imperative moods)

Nonparallel: The speakers will include partners of law firms, businesspeople, 
                   and civic leaders.
Parallel:       The speakers will include businesspeople, civic leaders, and 
                   partners of law firms.

Nonparallel: We need to buy more lumber, hardware, tools, and hire the 
                   sub-contractors.
Parallel:       We need to buy more lumber, hardware, and tools, and we 
                   need to hire the subcontractors.

How Formal? 
Consider 3 things: 

• Audience:   For example, Baptist ministers and a group of high school 
                    athletes.
• Subject:      For example, safety precautions for using a Colt .45 pistol 
                    and who you can bring to the Christmas party.
• Purpose:    For example, quarterly earnings report to stock shareholders  
                    and instructions for assembling a free toy found in a breakfast 
                    cereal box.

  Informal:                   The Dell 810 is a real screamer. 1.5 MHz's rip through  
                                  your thickest spreadsheets before you can add 2 +2.
  Moderately Formal:   With a 1.5 MHz microprocessor, the Dell 810 can 
                                  quickly handle even the most complicated spreadsheet 
                                  problems.
  Formal:                     Using a 1.5 MHz microprocessor, the Dell 810 is a 
                                  high-speed personal computer designed to quickly solve 
                                  long series of computations, that are often produced by 
                                  large spreadsheets.

Be Specific: 
Like almost all technical writing advice, this must be considered in association with audience analysis.  You can error by being too general, so that the audience does not know, e.g., where to find the Save As command from a drop-down menu.  You can also be too specific about equipment or parts, so that readers do not understand what the equipment is used for or why it is important or how it works to perform a larger process.  

Vague:   An engine on the plane experienced some difficulties
              [Which engine?  What kind of plane?  What kind of difficulties?]
Clearer:  The left engine on the Cessna 411 unaccountably lost power 
              during takeoff.

Ambiguous: After stirring by hand for ten seconds, add three drops of the 
                   iodine mixture to the solution.
                   [Which should you stir?  The iodine mixture or the solution?]
Clearer:       Stir the iodine mixture by hand for ten seconds.  Then add three 
                   drops to the solution.

What do you do when you do not have enough specific data?  You explain the constraints you had.

Vague:   The leakage in the fuel system is much greater than we had 
              anticipated.
              [Why?]  
Clearer:  The leak in the fuel system is much greater than we had anticipated.  
              We now estimate it to be at least 5 gallons per minute.  We thought 
               it would not exceed 2 gallons per minute.
Clearer : The leak in the fuel system is much greater than we had anticipated; 
              we expect to have precise measurements to release today at 5 pm. 

  Jargon: 
Unless you accurately assess who your audience is, jargon can be:

• Confusing:              A housewife buys a computer and reads the manual, 
                               which tells her to "boot" the system.  If she is British, 
                               she may put it in the trunk of her car!
• Imprecise:             In a bank, a "CD" means a certificate of deposit.  In  
                               a music store it means a compact disc. "Feedback"   
                               means something different to an English professor 
                               than  it does to an electronic sound technician.
• Condescending:    It doesn't help for the author to display how smart he 
                               is or to imply that the reader should know what the   
                               writer is talking about.  The reader often responds by 
                               thinking, "I don't like this writer who sneers at me."
• Intimidating:            Readers give up, feeling inadequate and stupid when 
                                they don't know what the author is writing about. 
• Expensive:             When readers cannot understand instruction manuals,
                                they call technical support or a service technician or   
                                simply ignore the mechanism or process. Until the  
                                service technician arrives, your staff stands around 
                                waiting.  

From a high school principal:

          Intercom utilization will be used to initiate substitute teacher involvement. 

Perhaps he means: 

          Teachers who anticipate being absent from class should use the intercom 
          to request a substitute.

Military prose is often an easy target.  Maybe this memo from the Marine Corps is in code?

It has been decisioned that some form of unit rotation may be a desirable 
objective.  Detailed planning has been held in abeyance because of 
structural and manning level imbalances between WestPac and EastPac  
and other associated areas of concern.  
Recent CMC decisions have alleviated the major inhibitors allowing a 
fresh approach and revaluation of alternative methods of unit replacement   
of WestPac personnel.  Preliminary staff analyses has concluded that a month 
TAD unit replacement appears to be an attractive possibility and should serve 
as the focal point for a full feasibility determination prior to development of any 
implementation procedures or recommendations.

Who knows?  The memo may be struggling to say something like this:

The Commandant of the Marine Corps (CMC) believes that rotating units  
may improve morale.  The CMC will study the organizational structure and 
troop level differences between WestPac and EastPac before releasing a   
rotation schedule.  The CMC is currently studying new methods of  personnel 
replacement for WestPac.  
CMC staff will conduct a month long TAD (tactical air defense) replacement 
program as a pilot study before attempting to change personnel assignments 
through the Corps.

This is from an executive order defining federal policy:

It should permit knowledge to be gained at various points in the process 
such that progress can be measured in advance of the termination of an 
effort where interim fine-tuning or revision is an alternative to postmortem 
examinations.

This policy should be designed so that  it can be regularly evaluated to 
improve it while it is in operation.

One scholar says that techno-babble "does not really want to be clear.  It wants to be poetic."  The author claims, "The Official Style [of bureaucratese] aims deliberately at saying nothing at all, but saying it in the required way.  Or at saying the obvious impressively.  The Official Stylist must seem in control of everything but responsible for nothing."  He also says, "It has no human voice, no face, no personality behind it."  But the Official Style "makes what you've done sound important and . . . Official."

Computer Sales Jargon: 

advanced design field tested direct sales only years of development revolutionary breakthrough futuristic maintenance-free performance proven high reliability new generation mil-spec components precision tolerances

the advertising dept. doesn't understand it customer returns the stuff for a refund factory lost its distributor we finally got one to work it looks different from our competitor's model we have a new sales pitch there is no reason why it looks the way it does impossible to fix a good chance it will work until the warranty expires it works well enough to ship the old design failed; we hope this one will work army surplus we finally got it to fit together

No Gobbledygook Award:
In 1998 Vice President Al Gore presented No Gobbledygook Awards for translating HUD (Dept. of Housing and Urban Development) legalese into something English speakers could understand.

Before:
Sec. 103.40 Date of filing of complaint.
   (a) Except as provided in paragraph (b) of this section, a complaint is filed when it is received by HUD, or dual filed with HUD through a substantially equivalent State or local agency, in a form that reasonably meets the standards of Sec. 103.30.
   (b) The Assistant Secretary may determine that a complaint is filed for the purposes of the one-year period for the filing of complaints, upon the submission of written information (including information provided by telephone and reduced to writing by an employee of HUD) identifying the parties and describing generally the alleged discriminatory house practice.
   Where a complaint alleges a discriminatory housing practiced that is continuing, as manifested in a number of incidents of such conduct, the complaint will be timely if filed without one year of the last alleged occurrence of that practice.

After:
Sec. 103.18 Is there a time limit on when I can file?
   Yes.  You must notify us within one year that you are a victim of discrimination.  If you indicate there is more than one act of discrimination, or that it is continuing, we must receive your information within one year of the last incident.

See more about "plain language" versus gobbledygook at: http://govinfo.library.unt.edu/npr/library/news/102898.html

President Clinton Orders Clear Language:
On June 1, 1998 The President ordered all federal offices to produce documents in plain language.  He specified that:

Plain language documents have logical organization, easy-to-read design features, and use:

• common, everyday words, except for necessary technical terms;
• "you" and other pronouns;
• the active voice; and
• short sentences.

See: http://govinfo.library.unt.edu/npr/library/direct/memos/memoeng.html

Clear Technical Language:
When you edit a document, consider: 

• Making a glossary, even for a half dozen words.
• Parenthetical definitions, especially for acronyms.  On the first use, parenthetically define 
  what the acronym means.  Use bold for the word or acronym to make it easy to find it
  again, if the reader forgets what it means.
• Provide a common comparison or analogy.  This is especially important in the introduction.  
  Technical descriptions often begin in the middle, i.e., with a detailed view of a mechanism
  or process.  Explain why the object or process is significant.
• Provide graphics to illustrate what the object is, how it is assembled or disassembled, or 
  how it is used.  
• Provide an informal narrative to suggest use or cautions.
• Use repetition and organizational partition to duplicate descriptions in simpler terms.
• Edit to replace general, abstract, and needlessly objective words and phrases with more concrete, 
  specific, and simpler words.
• Break long sentences into shorter sentences.
• Check modifiers and qualifiers to eliminate wordiness.
• Use terminology consistently.

  Federal Government Help:

Federal Communicators Network and Plain Language Workshop:
http://www.fcn.gov/resource/plain.htm

Some of the links have changed. David A. McMurrey's Online Technical Writing: Online Textbook 
can be accessed at: http://www.io.com/~hcexres/tcm1603/acchtml/acctoc.html

Acronym Help:

• http://www.acronymfinder.com/
• http://www.looksmart.com/eus1/eus317836/eus317913/eus53740/eus69575/

Chicago Manual of Style:

Because I have listed the above links to various references, I will list a couple more to the style manual that "writers, editors, proofreaders, indexers, copywriters, designers, and publishers" probably use more than any other. http://www.press.uchicago.edu/cgi-bin/hfs.cgi/00/12245.ctl http://www.press.uchicago.edu/Misc/Chicago/cmosfaq.html The first link tells you about the book.  The second offers an on-line column of grammar & usage questions answered by the editors of the book.

 Table of Contents:
Notice chapters 11-14.  You may find them especially useful.  The 14th edition was published in 1993.  The editors predict that the next edition may appear next year (2002).

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